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Lara Kennerly, PsyD
Perfectionism Therapy in Sacramento and Across California
Breaking Free From the Exhaustion of Constantly Working to Get Everything "Exactly Right"
Dr. Lara Kennerly, PsyD, provides Perfectionism therapy in Sacramento and online across California for individuals struggling with chronic intense self-criticism, fear of making even the smallest of mistakes, mainly self-imposed pressure to be “perfect” at all times, or the feeling that nothing they accomplish is ever “perfect” enough to satisfy the incredibly high standards they set for themselves.
No Matter What You Accomplish, It Never Quite Feels Like Enough
You work extremely hard, stay on top of all your responsibilities, and push yourself to meet the high standards you've set for yourself, yet your mind still finds ways to focus on what could have been done better rather than on the accomplishment of your goals.
Even after completing something well, even earning praise/acknowledgement from the people around you, it can be difficult to let yourself simply relax, enjoy the success and satisfaction of a job "well done," or let yourself accept and absorb praise from others as genuine and realistic feedback.
Instead you continue to focus on and beat yourself up for anything that you notice and perceive to be lacking, and find yourself feeling chronically let down when you are unable to experience feelings of satisfaction and pride that used to come from all the things you do well, and from a job/task achieved successfully.
Perfectionism at elevated levels can begin to take a heavy mental and physical toll over time. The constant internal pressure to meet unrealistically high standards of “perfection” can lead to chronic over-working, over-thinking, over-analyzing, and with each incident of not successfully reaching your personal unrealistically high standards of "perfection," growing issues with self-confidence, self-esteem, and beliefs about your abilities, natural skills, and competence, begin to be repeatedly undermined and are destabilized.
Because you evaluate your performance through a lens where anything other than absolute “perfection,” and without even a single minor flaw or error (free of any imperfection), equates to “failure,” you can become caught in a cycle of repeatedly setting unrealistically high goals for yourself, relentlessly pursuing them while experiencing intense self-criticism and self-doubt, and overanalyzing nearly every aspect of both the process and your performance.
Ultimately, your actual achievement of the goal, real facts, and evidence of your abilities and worth are unable to penetrate the way you evaluate yourself and your own performance.
Your mind may get stuck replaying thoughts like:
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“Did I say the wrong thing in that conversation?”
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“I should have handled that better.”
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“What if I disappoint people?”
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“Why can’t I just feel satisfied with what I already did?”
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“Everyone else seems to handle things more easily than I do.”
Over time, that constant internal pressure can make it difficult to slow down, have confidence in your own abilities and decision-making, or even accept your own success because you feel that your actions are never good enough to rise to this level of excellence you've set for yourself, even when others see you as capable or successful.
What looks like intense dedication and ultra-high personal expectations to observers, can feel like something very different to the person living it.
What Exactly Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than simply wanting to do well or caring about your work. It involves placing extremely high expectations on yourself and tying your sense of self-worth, competence, or value to performance, achievement, productivity, or avoiding mistakes.
People struggling with perfectionism often feel pressure to constantly improve, meet unrealistic standards, or maintain a sense of control in order to feel “good enough.”
For some, this may look like overworking or over-preparing. For others, because they are driven by fear of making even the smallest mistakes and therefore prefer to avoid committing to anything where the conditions aren't optimal for success, it may show up as procrastination, indecisiveness, avoidance, or difficulty starting tasks because the fear of not doing something perfectly feels overwhelming.
Perfectionists tend to be pushed by a fear of anything less than a perfectly met goal. Although perfectionism can sometimes appear productive or helpful, and at lower levels of intensity can drive high achievement and successes, the constant pressure to perform at an impossibly high level can eventually become mentally and emotionally exhausting.
What Are Signs of Perfectionism?
Perfectionism can show up in ways that are not always obvious, particularly because at low levels of intensity, from the outside the signs are identical to traits of a High-Achiever.
However at higher levels of intensity, perfectionism is no longer just a personality trait. It becomes a foundational framework for how they view and evaluate themselves and the world around them, which strongly influences how they approach work, how they measure their worth, and how they respond to mistakes.
Over time the pressure inside begins to build, and what was once beneficial, begins to overpower a person's other personality traits and their way of viewing self and others in a way that no longer feels helpful or healthy.
What may look like intense dedication and ultra-high personal expectations to observers, can feel like something very different to the person living it.
Common signs of perfectionism include:
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Having excessively high personal standards and self-criticism
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Spending excessive time trying to get things exactly right
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Fear of making even small mistakes or disappointing others
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Difficulty feeling satisfied with your work or accomplishments
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Focusing on imperfections and having trouble seeing anything else, and being overly critical of self and others
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Overthinking decisions or replaying conversations afterward
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Over-preparing for everything
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Procrastination caused by fear of failure
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Difficulty delegating tasks or trusting others to handle things correctly
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Feeling guilty when resting or slowing down
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Constantly comparing yourself to others
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Avoiding challenges unless you feel certain you can succeed
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Feeling mentally exhausted from the pressure you place on yourself
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Setting unrealistic goals for yourself that make you fear failure
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Being highly critical of yourself and others, often spotting and focusing on small or imperceptible mistakes and imperfections
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Rejecting praise or acknowledgement of success from others because you feel your actions didn't meet the unrealistically high expectations you have for yourself
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Feeling depressed when your high expectations go unmet, and struggling to move on when things don't work out the way you hoped
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an inability to feel genuinely satisfied with results that anyone else would consider “a success.”
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Rejecting success because they feel it is undeserved- believing their actions are never good enough to rise to this level of achievement.
Finding the right support starts with working with someone who understands the difference between healthy ambition and perfectionism that has grown overwhelming and emotionally exhausting.
Many people struggling with perfectionism do not want to completely lose the parts of themselves that helped them succeed. The challenge is that the drive, discipline, and standards they value often become deeply intertwined with chronic self-criticism, anxiety, and relentless pressure.
Therapy provides a space to examine the whole picture, and begin to take an honest and critical look at what parts have grown past your control, what aspects still serve you, and what pieces are taking a heavy toll and decreasing your ability to continue functioning and performing at the same high level of achievement.
At Navigating Rough Waters Therapy, Dr. Lara Kennerly provides perfectionism therapy in Sacramento and nearby areas including Natomas, Elk Grove, Roseville, Folsom, Fair Oaks, Carmichael, Granite Bay, Davis, Midtown Sacramento, East Sacramento, Land Park, West Sacramento, and surrounding communities for individuals struggling with chronic self-criticism, relentless pressure to avoid mistakes, and the feeling that nothing they accomplish ever feels, “good enough.”
Perfectionism can affect people from all walks of life, including students, parents, creatives, caregivers, and high-achieving professionals who quietly struggle with chronic extreme self-criticism, fear of making even small mistakes, overthinking, and relentless internal pressure despite appearing capable or successful on the outside.
Perfectionism Therapy in Sacramento and Nearby Areas
Perfectionism Therapist in Sacramento, CA
Dr. Lara Kennerly, PsyD, is a licensed Psychologist in Sacramento who works with adults who are exhausted by fear of making even the smallest mistakes, feeling like their successes and achievements never actually feel satisfying, or feel unable to let themselves enjoy or celebrate a success for long, no matter how much they accomplish, how hard they work, or how high they set the bar for themselves.
Her approach is Trauma-Informed, Psychodynamic, and Attachment-based, focusing on helping clients understand how perfectionistic traits developed, how they became so deeply ingrained and intertwined with their core sense-of-self, how those patterns continue affecting the way they relate to achievement, mistakes, control, and self-worth, and in what ways their perfectionism may have grown beyond the levels that previously aided them in their quest for success, into something that is now overpowering and having a detrimental and problematic impact on their lives.
Dr. Kennerly works with adults who feel trapped in a constant cycle of pushing themselves harder, doubting whether anything they have done was “enough,” and struggling to fully enjoy their achievements before immediately resetting the goal line and moving on to the next challenge.
In-person sessions are available in Sacramento, with virtual therapy available for adults throughout California.
How Therapy for Perfectionism Can Help
For most individuals perfectionism is a personality "trait" that developed over the course of their lives, and became a deeply ingrained part of how they view and evaluate themselves, others, and the world around them.
At lower levels of intensity, perfectionism can look and feel adaptive and helpful, providing individuals with the drive and motivation to set high standards and expectations for themselves, and the ability to set and very successfully pursue their personal goals.
However, over time, the same traits that once supported hard work, preparedness, and high personal standards can grow more rigid and intense, expanding into areas of life far beyond work or achievement.
Therapy gives you a space to better understand these patterns and explore where your perfectionistic traits originally developed, how they changed over time, and how they continue affecting your current life
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It can also help you identify which aspects still serve you and which may now be contributing to chronic pressure, burnout, anxiety, or self-doubt. From there, therapy can help you begin making more intentional and sustainable changes in how you view yourself, achievement, and self-worth.
Reduced Harsh Self-Criticism
Therapy can help reduce the constant internal criticism, self-doubt, and pressure that often follows even small mistakes or imperfections.
Less Fear of Mistakes and Failure
Many people struggling with perfectionism feel intense anxiety about disappointing others or getting things “wrong.” Therapy can help reduce the fear and shame often attached to mistakes.
Improved Self-Worth Outside of Achievement
Many people with perfectionistic tendencies tie their value closely to productivity, success, or performance. Therapy can help create a healthier sense of self-worth that is not entirely dependent on achievement.
Reduced Overthinking and Mental Exhaustion
Perfectionism often keeps people stuck in cycles of second-guessing, overanalyzing, and replaying situations repeatedly in their mind. Therapy can help reduce these exhausting mental patterns.
Standards That Actually Serve You
Therapy can help you examine which expectations and standards are meaningful and healthy, and which may be contributing to chronic stress, burnout, or emotional exhaustion.
Finding Genuine Satisfaction
Therapy can help people reconnect with a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, and self-acceptance without immediately shifting focus to what was imperfect or what still needs to be improved.
Online Therapy for Perfectionism in California
Perfectionism can make it difficult to slow down, ask for support, or make time for yourself, especially when work, responsibilities, or daily pressure already feel overwhelming. Online therapy makes it possible to access support from the privacy and convenience of your own home without adding additional stress around commuting or scheduling.
Dr. Lara Kennerly provides virtual therapy for perfectionism to adults throughout California who are struggling with chronic self-imposed pressure, intense and debilitating fear of mistakes, burnout, anxiety, and relentless expectations of themselves.
Virtual sessions are available for adults across California, including Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose, Fresno, Long Beach, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, Irvine, Pasadena, Santa Monica, Walnut Creek, Palo Alto, Berkeley, Monterey, Napa, and surrounding communities.
Frequently asked questions
A Healthier Relationship With Yourself Is Possible
You do not have to keep living under constant pressure, self-imposed unrealistically high standards, and extreme self-criticism. You also do not have to "let go" of perfectionism "traits" that have helped motivate and drive you to pursue your goals, to succeed, and to achieve.
Therapy can help you begin to develop a more balanced way of viewing yourself and your accomplishments, and can help you continue to pursue excellence, allow yourself to enjoy and feel satisfied by your achievements, and no longer view "almost perfect" as failure.
Free consultations are available with no commitment required.