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Lara Kennerly, PsyD
Perfectionism Therapy in Sacramento and Across California
Breaking Free From the Exhaustion of Constantly Working to Get Everything "Exactly Right"
Dr. Lara Kennerly, PsyD, provides Perfectionism therapy in Sacramento and online across California for individuals struggling with chronic intense self-criticism, fear of making mistakes, mainly self-imposed pressure to be “perfect” at all times, or the feeling that nothing they accomplish is ever “perfect” enough to satisfy the incredibly high standards they set for themselves.
No Matter What You Accomplish, It Never Quite Feels Like Enough
You work extremely hard, stay on top of all your responsibilities, and push yourself to meet the high standards you've set for yourself, yet your mind still finds ways to focus on what could have been done better rather than on the accomplishment of your goals. When working on a goal, you may find yourself spending more time and energy hyper-focused on trying to avoid making any mistakes, constantly scanning for potential flaws or errors, feeling fearful or distracted by the idea that ultimately you won't be able reach a "perfect" and flawless result, and you may struggle to maintain motivation and optimism as you continue to push forward, falling into patterns of chronic over-work, over-analyzing, and second-guessing every choice or decision.
Even after completing something well and earning praise or acknowledgement from the people around you, you may find it difficult to accept their praise as genuine or accurate, immediately dismissing it as disingenuous or naive, and say to yourself "they're only saying that because they have to," or "they don't really KNOW." You may struggle to let yourself simply relax and enjoy a success and allow yourself to feel satisfaction of a job "well done," instead feeling compelled to almost immediately move on to the next "challenge" and start working towards it. You may have even started to question whether or not you want to continue to strive and pursue ever-higher levels of success, given that it seems like the more you succeed, the higher the stakes get, and then, inevitably, the higher the level your perfectionism rises to.
Despite your success, you may be feeling increasingly negative or disappointed with yourself, or worry you are somehow failing to live up to your full potential. You may be feeling anxious, burned out, chronically exhausted, avoidant of new commitments and responsibilities, hesitant or uncertain about committing to new challenges or goals, more frequently engaged in procrastination and avoidant behavior, spending more time engaged in numbing/distracting behaviors, or find yourself making a lot more excuses much more frequently to get out of things.
What Exactly Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than simply wanting to do well or caring about your work. It involves placing extremely high expectations on yourself and tying your sense of self-worth, competence, or value to performance, achievement, productivity, or avoiding mistakes.
People struggling with perfectionism often feel pressure to constantly improve, meet unrealistic standards, or maintain a strong sense of control over things happening within and around them in order to feel “good enough.”
For some, perfectionism may look like overworking, over-analyzing, or over-preparing. For others, who feel pushed by fear of making even small mistakes, it may show up as avoidance of taking on new challenges with less-than-ideal circumstances, procrastination, indecisiveness, or difficulty starting tasks.
What Are Signs of Perfectionism?
Perfectionism can show up in ways that are not always obvious to others, especially because at lower levels, it can look identical to typical traits of High-Achievers. However, at higher levels of intensity, perfectionism is no longer just a personality trait. It becomes a part of a rigid framework for how they view and evaluate themselves and the world around them, influencing how they approach work, how they measure their worth, and how they respond to mistakes.
Common signs of perfectionism include:
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All-or-Nothing Thinking
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Procrastination and difficulty initiating new tasks/challenges
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Having extremely high and/or inflexible personal standards
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Spending excessive time trying to get things "exactly right"
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Fear of making even small mistakes or disappointing others
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Difficulty feeling satisfied with your work or accomplishments
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Focusing on imperfections and having trouble seeing anything else,.
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Being overly critical of self and others
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Overthinking decisions and over-analyzing conversations
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Over-preparing for everything
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Difficulty delegating tasks or trusting others to handle things "correctly"
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Avoiding challenges unless success appears certain
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Feeling mentally exhausted from self-imposed pressure
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Struggling to accept instead of rejecting praise or acknowledgement of success from others
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Feeling depressed when high expectations or goals go unmet
Finding the right support starts with working with someone who genuinely understands what you are dealing with, and grasps the important distinctions between healthy ambition, perfectionism "traits," and unhealthy levels of perfectionism that are detrimental to your wellbeing.
Therapy provides a space to examine the whole picture, begin to take an honest and critical look at what aspects of your perfectionism have become unmanageable or burdensome, explore what aspects may be undermining or destabilizing your natural abilities and instincts, identify what parts have helped you in the past and you want to continue to hold onto, and explore changes or adjustments you can make to help you move towards a healthier balance and view of yourself and your achievements.
At Navigating Rough Waters Therapy, Dr. Lara Kennerly provides perfectionism therapy in Sacramento and nearby areas including Natomas, Elk Grove, Roseville, Folsom, Fair Oaks, Carmichael, Granite Bay, Davis, Midtown Sacramento, East Sacramento, Land Park, West Sacramento, and surrounding communities for individuals struggling with chronic self-criticism, relentless pressure to avoid mistakes, and the feeling that nothing they accomplish ever feels, “good enough.”
Perfectionism can affect people from all walks of life, including students, parents, creatives, caregivers, and high-achieving professionals, who quietly struggle with chronic extreme self-criticism, fear of making even small mistakes, constant overthinking, and relentless internal pressure to perform and achieve.
Perfectionism Therapy in Sacramento and Nearby Areas
Perfectionism Therapist in Sacramento, CA
Dr. Lara Kennerly, PsyD, is a licensed Psychologist in Sacramento who works with adults who feel like no matter how much they accomplish, no matter how hard they work, and no matter how high they set the bar for themselves, it's never enough.
Who are feeling exhausted by the never-ending patterns of setting unrealistically high goals, chronically over-working and over-preparing in pursuit of those goals, constantly beating themselves up for the most minor/imperceptible mistakes or flaws, and who don't experience feelings of genuine satisfaction from successfully reaching their goals.
Her approach is Trauma-Informed and Psychodynamic, focusing on helping clients understand where perfectionistic patterns developed, how they became so deeply ingrained, how those patterns continue to influence the way they relate to achievement, mistakes, control, and self-worth, and to consider in what ways their perfectionism may have now grown past the levels that previously supported and assisted them in their pursuit of excellence, now rising to levels that feel overwhelming and detrimental.
Dr. Kennerly works with adults who feel trapped in a constant cycle of pushing themselves harder, doubting whether anything they have done was “enough,” and feeling unable to experience the satisfaction or pride that should come from all of the things they do well.
In-person sessions are available in Sacramento, with virtual therapy available for adults throughout California.
How Therapy for Perfectionism Can Help
For most individuals perfectionism is a personality "trait" that developed over the course of their lives, and became a deeply ingrained part of how they view and evaluate themselves, their achievements, and others. At low levels, perfectionism is characterized by high motivation, resourcefulness, and positive emotions. It often appears beneficial and adaptive, and an aid for those pursuing achievement and success. Over time those same traits, which previously supported hard work, preparedness, and high personal standards, can slowly expand and change, silently creeping out into new areas of an individuals life, areas that aren't well-suited for perfectionism. With this expansion and growing presence in their lives, perfectionism can rise to an unhealthy level, sometimes growing out of control, and can lead to individuals adopting incredibly rigid and/or extreme views and personal standards.
If your perfectionism has risen to an unhealthy level, successfully reaching a goal, available reality-based facts, and tangible proof of your competence and skill, just doesn't register. Any positive feedback can fail to penetrate the rigid and unyielding view you hold of yourself and how you evaluate your accomplishments. Positive external feedback tends to just bounce off of you, and is immediately pushed to the side. You may find yourself in an increasingly exhausting and demanding cycle where you tirelessly pursue a goal, attain it, feel no relief or reward, feel increasingly overwhelmed by the intense and unrelenting amount of internal pressure you impose on yourself, and then move to undertake the next challenge in order to escape some of that built up pressure. You begin the cycle again, and hold out hope that things will feel different THIS time, or THIS outcome will somehow feel more satisfying.
Therapy can help you take the next step beyond recognizing the cycle you are stuck in, acknowledging how burdensome life has been feeling, and admitting that change is needed. Therapy gives you a space to better understand these patterns and explore where your perfectionistic traits originally developed, how they changed over time, and how they continue affecting your current life. It can also help you identify which aspects still serve you, and which may now be contributing to chronic pressure, burnout, anxiety, or self-doubt. From there, therapy can help you begin making more intentional and sustainable changes in how you view yourself, your achievements, and your self-worth.
Reduced Harsh Self-Criticism
Therapy can help reduce the constant internal criticism, self-doubt, and pressure that often follows even small mistakes or imperfections.
Less Fear of Mistakes and Failure
Many people struggling with perfectionism feel intense anxiety about disappointing others or getting things “wrong.” Therapy can help reduce the fear and shame often attached to mistakes.
Improved Self-Worth Outside of Achievement
Many people with perfectionistic tendencies tie their value closely to productivity, success, or performance. Therapy can help create a healthier sense of self-worth that is not entirely dependent on achievement.
Reduced Overthinking and Mental Exhaustion
Perfectionism often keeps people stuck in cycles of second-guessing, overanalyzing, and replaying situations repeatedly in their mind. Therapy can help reduce these exhausting mental patterns.
Standards That Actually Serve You
Therapy can help you examine which expectations and standards are meaningful and healthy, and which may be contributing to chronic stress, burnout, or emotional exhaustion.
Finding Genuine Satisfaction
Therapy can help people reconnect with a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, and self-acceptance without immediately shifting focus to what was imperfect or what still needs to be improved.
Online Therapy for Perfectionism in California
Perfectionism can make it difficult to slow down, ask for support, or make time for yourself, especially when work, responsibilities, or daily pressure already feel overwhelming. Online therapy makes it possible to access support from the privacy and convenience of your own home without adding additional stress around commuting or scheduling.
Dr. Lara Kennerly provides virtual therapy for perfectionism to adults throughout California who are struggling with chronic self-imposed pressure, intense and frequent fear of making even a small mistake, burnout, anxiety, and unrealistically high and unforgiving self-imposed standards and expectations.
Virtual sessions are available for adults across California, including Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose, Fresno, Long Beach, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, Irvine, Pasadena, Santa Monica, Walnut Creek, Palo Alto, Berkeley, Monterey, Napa, and surrounding communities.
Frequently asked questions
A Healthier Relationship With Yourself Is Possible
You do not have to keep living under constant pressure, unrealistically high standards, and extreme self-criticism. If your definition of success is different from anyone else you know, and your personal standards and expectations are so extreme that they are almost unattainable, your helpful perfectionism traits have likely grown out of your control.
Recognizing that a change may be needed is an important first step, and deciding to make changes doesn't mean you'll have to "give up" your future pursuit of success. It just means that you are not willing to accept that your perfectionism has grown so much it has managed to hijack your life, has been calling all the shots. Therapy can take back control of the wheel, and get yourself back on track!
Free consultations are available with no commitment required.